Now I've gone and done it. In the midst of the financial crisis and global markets melt down which has totally effected our lives both in our puny holdings and in our receiving actual pay checks — which we aren't!!@#%^&! I went and rented myself an artist studio. Huh?!!@#$%^! What was I thinking? We are living off savings right now and I'm spending extra rent (and supplies!) from my teeny personal savings on art?! We've got two kids to feed, a mortgage, credit debt I could go on an on with the giant list of bills — did I mention I live in super expensive San Francisco. Being an adult sucks sometimes! Oh my oh my, I'm following my heart here but my head says I'm "CRAZY!".

I seem to be in the midst of a midlife, post mommy, identity crisis mixed with the fear of death bed regrets. What's it all about Alfi? All that has been swirling through my head and I'm not on any medication. I need to make art just for therapy sake! I've been thinking for years about getting back into creating something — anything. I miss it. I miss my voice. I miss gazing endlessly at a composition. I miss being alone. I miss the process. I miss the introspection. I miss the smell of toxic chemicals. Yes, really! When I walked into the artist warehouse the smell of turpentine, photo chemistry, glue etc was similar to the warm happiness of smelling fresh baking bread— H-O-M-E.

Above is my "before" photo. It's just a tiny little corner of a shared space (but private in that it has a door with a lock) —it's something like 4 x 10 feet with some storage in the shelving behind the curtain. There are three other artists in the space. There's a young couple who make illustrated books (graphic novels?!) who sit in a parallel space with only doorway to glimpse into their world and a man, around my age, who is a sculpture and photographer who works right be behind me. It feels strange, but exciting. I have no idea what I will make. I think I may just sit and knit until I feel more relaxed. Oh and of course I'll be squeezing out as many hours as I can doing design work to pay for childcare. These are days.

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